10 Steps on Getting Over Someone You Know You Can’t Have

DISCLAIMER: This post was written by one of best friends, Caitlin. (STRONGLY recommend step 7)

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Hey guys! My name is Caitlin and I’m 19 years old. I am a competitive boxer with hopes of making it to the 2020 Summer Olympics. I like dogs more than people and I want to step foot in every country around the world. And if you can ask any of my friends I generally fall for the same type of guy that I generally can’t be with. Maybe they have a girlfriend, maybe they are the biggest player you have ever met, maybe they live  way too far away. Maybe it’s an annoying combination of all three. No matter the reason it never stops me from falling hard and fast- then needing to get over them.  Then laughing at myself for ever liking them in the first place. My pathetic love life aside here are some of the steps I use to get over a guy that I know I can’t be with. Hopefully some of these tips help you get over a guy you can’t stop thinking about even though you can’t have him.

 So you met this great guy, maybe it was 5 days ago, 5 months or even 5 years, either way he lit something in you that no one else has. We have all been there and we will probably be there again.  There are three guys I can think of that I knew I couldn’t be with but that didn’t stop me from falling hard for them. Here they are:

1.The first one I’ve known for years and from the first time I saw him I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He was one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen, he has such a natural charisma, so confident and sure of himself. He had this smile and these eyes that could melt the world away when he looked at me.  The slightest brush of his finger tips on my skin is enough to make my heart skip a beat.

2. The second guy didn’t have that initial effect on me, instead he said all the right things.  I was so sure he was single, a couple days later I added him on Facebook, much to my shock he had a girlfriend. A couple days after that I had another chance run in with him, we talked and again he said all the right things. I hadn’t seen him after that for a couple of weeks but when I did his girlfriend was actually with him. But again he said all the right things with her standing right there. What a great guy.

3. The third guy took even longer because he wasn’t my usual type, yes he had the usual pretty eyes and smile that could melt the world away, but it still took a little longer. He was a flirt too just like the others… Clearly I have type.

Step 1: Allow yourself to be sad, but not for too long.

It’s important to allow yourself to be sad over what almost was, but don’t milk it. It may take longer depending on how close you were to the person. Try not to allow yourself any longer than a week.  After a week it’s time to get over it and move  on, the longer you drag it out the better chance he has of worming his way back into your life.

Step 2: Music

 If you’re anything like me you turn to music in almost every situation.  But if you are dealing with any sort of heartache or heartbreak it’s important you don’t turn to sad music. For the first couple days of your “sad period” it’s okay but after that you need to turn off the Taylor Swift, Adele, and anyone else that may make you cry and turn to the girl anthems and pump up songs. I have a few songs I generally avoid when I am trying to get over someone:  “Six degrees of separation” by The Script, “Stone Cold” By Demi Lovato, “Your Type” By Carly Rae Jepsen, “To the Moon and Back”  By Luke Bryan. I could go on but you get the point, anything that will make you think of him or make you cry should be avoided.

Step 3: Girls Night

This could be different for every group of friends, maybe your ideal girls night is hot chocolate, a good mani/Pedi and a facial. Or maybe it’s wine out of the bottle, pizza and watching a chick flick. Or maybe it’s getting all dressed up and going out for the night, whatever it is, call your girls and have a good night, they are your best friends it what they are there for.

Step 4: Delete Temptation

By temptation I mean everything- Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram and his phone number you don’t want to accidentally drunk text him. Yes this may be hard to do but it’s important, trust me I understand better than anyone wanting to post a video of you and your friends dancing to your favorite song on snapchat just so he knows you’re happy without him. Or maybe you want to post a picture on Instagram with that guy you met last night. If you want to do those things great but don’t do it so he sees it, do it because it makes you happy.

Step 5: Retail Therapy

 Now I’m not saying go crazy and spend a thousand dollars at one time, but that little black dress you’ve been eyeing, or maybe it’s a new pair of running shoes. Whatever it is go for it! Do something that is going to make you feel great!

Step 6: Stop Trying to Impress Him

Now this one is especially hard for me, I love to look good when I go anywhere, and I like when people notice. So when I’m going somewhere and I know he’s going to be there I like to put in a little extra effort and I like to make sure he sees. To me when I am able to stop doing this I will know I am for sure over him. So remember ladies dress for yourselves, dress because you like to feel good about yourselves. Don’t dress so he notices.

Step 7: Don’t Let Him Aglet

Unless you’ve been living under a rock and haven’t seen the Phineas and Ferb episode dedicated solely to aglets and you have no idea what they are allow me to fill you in, it’s that little piece of hard plastic at the end of  a shoelace that prevents it from fraying. Aglet is a term my friends and I used in high school to describe when a guy would realize you were losing interest or you were super close to getting over him so he would do something to get your attention. It basically meant he would grab you by the aglet of your shoelace and drag you back to having feelings for him, this can be done in many ways.  Maybe he would ask you to go for drinks and give you his new number or maybe he would just text you in the middle of the night asking if you wanted to “chill”. Whatever games this guy is playing don’t fall for it ladies.

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Step 8: Write it Out

Personally I love writing. I will write anything that I can to get my feelings out on paper, so if it’s journaling, maybe writing a short story, even write him a letter that you would never send. Anything that can help get your feelings out on paper. Personally I have tons of letters in my room that I will never send, but they helped me move on from people and situations that hurt me. This is one that could definitely be applied to many different situations and people, got fired for no reason? Write it out. Fight with a friend?  Write it out. Writing is a very healthy way of getting your feelings out before you do something you may regret.

Step 9: End the Fantasy

If you never dated someone and really don’t know them that well you may start to fantasize about him; what your life would be like if you ever started dating, what your dates would be like, how perfect he would be. Let me help you out here, no one is perfect, not this guy, not the next one you will fall for. None of them, we as humanity are flawed. No one is perfect. Do yourself a favour and end the fantasy that he’s perfect.

Step 10: Find Someone New

Get out of your comfort zone and meet someone or a few new people. Join an online dating website or maybe download tinder, allow your friends to set you up, whatever it takes to meet someone new in this world of online dating and “talking” being some sort of title when it really isn’t.  Make sure you wait to do this until you are sure you’re ready. There’s no point in putting someone else through what you’ve been through just because you are unsure of your feelings. Make sure that you are ready.


Ladies we are all in this together, we have all been there and we will all be there again, and yes I know it sucks but it’s the truth of the generation we live in.  You never know how anyone truly feels about you because he could ask you out then never call. He could say you are beautiful and that you are the only girl he is talking to, but then you see him hanging out with another girl. So whatever the reason you can’t be with him, maybe he’s the biggest player you’ve ever met, maybe his family hates you or your family hates him, maybe you are both scared of commitment, or maybe it’s something entirely more complicated than that.  I truly hope this helps you get over the one you can’t.

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Caitlin’s Instagram and mine.


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